Today we are pleased to present an exclusive Over My Shoulder Foundation interview with Denise Hajjar, Boston-based fashion designer, philanthropist and Designer-in-Residence at Fairmont Copley Plaza Hotel. Fashion New England calls Denise “a favorite of the chic ladies in downtown Boston”. Denise was gracious enough to lend her talents to a benefit fashion show for the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston earlier this year in April. Here she reveals her inspirations, mentors and ideas about mentorology – the art and science of mentoring.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

Hi Denise. Thanks for taking the time to talk with us today about mentoring, fashion and inspiration. You’ve certainly made a name for yourself, especially in Boston. What drives you to accomplish all that you have accomplished in the world of fashion and design?

My drive came from the fact I was given a talent from my grandmother who was a designer and taught me how to sew. Also believe it or not all the years of classical ballet training. I trained for 12 years 7 days a week as I thought I would be a dancer. This I feel is what gave me the discipline I needed to do what I do now. In the ballet world there is no room for wasting time. I had to grow up very fast and be very focused. I truly love what I do every day. And for that fact I always want to do better and be better. I get great joy in making women look and feel beautiful.

Denise Hajjar - Mentor, Designer, Fashion Icon

We love how early influences mold us into the people we are today. Do you credit certain individuals as mentors who have helped you really take advantage of the key qualities you picked up early on from your ballet practice and your grandmother?

I have several people who have helped me greatly and I still can go to. First, always my family and closest friends who never give up on me and are my main support in the good and bad times. Chuck Albert, who was the manager of Bonwit Tellers back in the 80′s. I sold to four Bonwit stores back then. VG Di Geronimo who owned a boutique on Newbury Street called Adornments Creative Clothing. I got to sell my pieces and it just grew from there. Today I would have to say Jon Crellin who was, at the time, the general manager of this Fairmont. He asked me to be their “designer-in-residence” 6 years ago! The rest is history. It has opened so many doors being here. Also I have to say, Amalie Canna, this incredible women whose knowledge of clothing construction is amazing. Whenever I am stuck on something I go to her. I am still learning after 30 years. So blessed to have her in my life!

On your website you write that your designs are a “reflection of the world…a combination of strength, sensitivity and imagination”. Strength, sensitivity and imagination are qualities that we think make mentors effective and successful. Can you think of some other qualities that befit an effective and successful mentor?  

Well one must never forget who they are and where they started. Because at a moment’s notice, it can all be taken away. You must love what you do, almost to a fault. You have to want to keep learning from everyone around you. Helping along the way only will make you better at what you do, because you have to constantly be thinking outside the box. You never know who you will inspire OR who will inspire you!!!!

At Over My Shoulder Foundation (OMSF), we are convinced about the truth of our favorite Jimi Hendrix quote “If there is something to be changed in this world…then it can only be done through music”. Are you inspired by any music in particular? Do you listen to music when you work?

I ALWAYS listen to music, all kinds of music. It helps my creative juices going along with my fabrics that I work with. I think music and beautiful fabrics go hand in hand

How about you? Have you found yourself mentoring others? We’re thinking about Big Dreams Start Small benefit event for St. Jude’s Hospital and your philosophy “Giving back should be the rule, not the exception”. In these instances, do you think of yourself as a mentor?

I always have believed in mentoring. I have done it for so many years now. I get so excited when I see a student from the past or a young person who shadowed me come to me years later to say how I inspired them, how I motivated them to do what they went on to do. Or how a parent will come up to me to tell me their child was changed by what they saw and did when they were with me. You don’t realize the impact you make at the time.

Now let’s talk about the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston fashion show. How did the idea for the benefit fashion show come about? What made you decide to do it?

Well it’s not so much helping “Big Sisters” as it is helping women whether young or grown. To give them motivation and confidence to be or to do whatever you want. Not everyone has the support or skills in the beginning given to them like I did. So it is our job to give them a little help in getting started. In the fall I do my show for “Dress for Success”. This helps women who want to get back on their own. DFS helps them in many ways including providing job interview clothes.

Do you have any advice for youngsters out there yearning for a fashion career?

Advice? Be willing to do your due-diligence and work hard, very hard. Fashion and the world of design is not about making a lot of money BUT the love of doing your craft well. In this field we have to think the glass is half full always! Do not give up if you REALLY believe you are good and know you have something to offer. Go to school and take the classes needed to understand what you are going to do. Do internships. Volunteer to help out at shows or fashion events. Be happy at what you decide to do. If not, you will fail for sure.

Denise, thanks again for talking with us at Over My Shoulder Foundation about your fashion career and mentoring. It’s really clear that you LOVE what you do – and that is an inspiration to us all. We look forward to seeing what great things you’re going to do next!!!

Share your time, expertise and wisdom with the upcoming generation by sending us your ideas about what Mentorology means to you. At Over My Shoulder Foundation we think of Mentorology as the art and science of mentoring. Please help us raise awareness of the impact of mentoring by sharing your own ideas and stories like Meghan C (age 12) did in today’s post.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

DO THE RIGHT THING

MENTOROLOGY what does it mean?   

-By Meghan C  age 12

Some may say a mentor is a  role model or someone you look up to.  This is true for some but for me mentoring  also means to show  people the right directions and to teach them to reach for their dreams.

If you are a really good mentor to someone you are like their personal driver that steers them in the right directions making sure that even when there are some bumps and potholes in the road you try to make sure that person doesn’t get thrown under the bus.

But you also have to try real hard not to do bad things either because when you are a mentor the person who looks up to you will basically do whatever you do – just like a puppy dog.

Think of it as all the kindergarteners at a school: They all look up to the older kids and try to do what ever they do so if these older kids frequently are doing wrong, young kids will copy them.

So you always have to remember to try and DO THE RIGHT THING!

Because you never know who is watching or who looks up to you.

Everyone has a glass heart and its fragile and you have to be careful not to break someones heart

And that is what a mentor and Mentorology is to me!

Today we are pleased to present an exclusive Over My Shoulder Foundation interview with the two talented ladies from the UK who run the L Project, an anti-LGBT bullying campaign. This interview touches on a hot topic. Bullying. There is too much of it and not enough mentors speaking out against it.

Georgey Payne and Sofia Antonia Milone are currently promoting the release of the hit single “It Does Get Better” to raise awareness about the effects of LGBT bullying, to give hope to those suffering from it, and to raise money to help combat it.

We love the slogan on the L Project Facebook Page, “Because you don’t have to be a minority to support equality and reject discrimination.”

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

Thanks for taking the time to talk with us. At Over My Shoulder Foundation (OMSF), our mentoring organization uses the Jimi Hendrix quote “If there is something to be changed in this world…then it can only be done through music”. “It Does Get Better” is proof that music CAN change the world – its impact is much more than you’d anticipated, and you got Seventeen of the UK’s leading lesbian music artists appear on the track. How did you do it?

Sofia – Put simply, a lot of hard work and determination, coupled with passion and talent. Essentially the kernel of the first project all came from Georgey and the song she penned. The artists were approached, a recording studio was found at a great special rate, and then we had to convince some sponsors to fund it.

The creative part was the easiest in many ways, because every participant was a consummate professional. No time was wasted, and within a weekend the music and vocals were recorded.

By far the hardest part was marketing the project pre-release. What really helped with that was having a professional campaign and a great product, but what actually propelled us was the resulting backing from the gay press and some amazing online social media pages.

As people became aware of us they passed on the message, and trust was built with those big online pages like Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook. Nothing beats a personal recommendation. Once the press and related people became interested we secretly let them hear the song, and they too knew we had a great product, and so the sharing continued.

We also had exclusive pre-release listening days for all those who had joined the L Project Facebook page, it made them feel a real part of the project – and I’m confident that it was hearing the song that drove them all to share us like mad. Social Media has truly been the method of this campaign.

Sofia Antonia Milone, Photography by Katie Lamb

Can you talk a little about how you’ve noticed your music become a change-making catalyst? Is there fan feedback that really made an impact, or a time when you had your a-ha moment of realization that what you created was making the world a better place?

Sofia – We knew the message of the song would unite people, but it was only after its release when people came pouring to the page, that we started seeing just how personally affecting the song, and the supportive project page environment, was to people.

We started receiving fanmail, and each and every person had a significant story to tell. Some are very hard to read, but all of them end well in that they tell us that the song has renewed their strength, and given them the boost they needed when times were hard.

Music and words are certainly powerful, but I think it’s giving people a place to come and feel included after they’ve heard our message, a place where they can share things, even if that is just a page on Facebook, that has become just as important. And that place is molded by those who frequent it.

Georgey, you wrote “It Does Get Better” in an attempt to cheer up a young friend who had confided in you that he had been the subject of homophobic bullying in school. The attempt has cheered up many, and inspired us all. How did the idea for the song come to you? What was your inspiration?

Georgey – The idea for the song was born simply because I wanted to cheer my friend up, make him feel happy about being gay and not feel like it was something he needed to fear. Because when you’re being beaten up all the time as he was, I can imagine that being gay quickly becomes something you learn to dislike about yourself.

The tune for the song was buzzing around in my head, and when I write it’s always the music and feel of the song that comes first. So when I got in from work that day I started on it straight away. It took me about an hour from start to finish. Whilst I was writing I changed the second verse to appeal to the whole LGBT community, hoping to empower them to feel good about being LGBT as well.
 

Georgey Payne

And how about the L Project. That grew out of the song? Can you tell us about that process?

Sofia – It quickly became clear that the attention we had garnered for the song was greater than we thought possible, and we had a choice: Either The L Project was just about this song, or it was something bigger.

Georgey and I are highly driven people, and this caught us at a time when we both really wanted to get our teeth into something. Georgey did that by getting the ball rolling, I did it by joining it full force, and together we decided that we make a great team.

We barely see one another, but the internet has allowed us to create a campaign bigger and better than anything either of us could have dreamed. Why leave it there? So many people were asking ‘what next?’ that we had ask ourselves the same thing. The answer to that question is as boundless as this project hopes to be.

Another project, new charities to donate to, more artists to gather, and fantastically supportive community to help us move forward. That’s what this project is, the community that has stood behind it. The fact that they’re not merely fans, they have somehow been empowered, they have taken our song and shared it with the world, shouted about it everywhere. The L Project stopped being about just one song almost as soon as the song came out.

Instead it started being about a community filled with like-minded individuals, from all over the globe. It started inspiring people. And in turn, we too have been inspired.

At OMSF, we stake our foundations on our concept of Mentorology (the art and science of mentoring). Mentoring can move us all toward a society of greater inclusion, integrity and value. Mentoring also helps us get across messages that might otherwise go unheard. Can you tell us what mentoring is to you? And how it has affected your life?

Sofia – This idea, or concept, of mentoring is new to me. Obviously I understand what a mentor is, but it is not something I have consciously taken note of before. I have had many inspiring people in my life, people I have looked up to, who have undoubtedly guided my moral compass. Most of those people have been family members, most notably my mother who is sadly no longer with us.

I can’t honestly say as an adult I have anyone I would term a ‘mentor’ specifically, I am driven and supported by my peers and colleagues. I think in this respect we are all mentors to one another.

Are you currently a mentor? If not, do you have plans in the future to become a mentor yourself?

 Sofia – I suppose the idea of a ‘mentor’ is not dissimilar to that of a ‘role model’ (a term I’m more familiar with personally) and if it means to be a good person, doing good things, to give advice, information and support when it is requested, and maybe instill hope or inspiration in others, then I’d say that’s exactly what I try to do and be on a daily basis.

I would also say that being a ‘mentor’ to an individual is not something you can decide to become, rather individuals decide to treat you as their mentor. I merely hope that what I do, and what I achieve in life is something people can aspire to. If I can help them, of course I will. And I think on a larger scale, that’s what The L Project is about – setting a good example, and encouraging others to do the same.

Thank you, again, Georgey and Sofia for the time you took to talk with us about the L Project, your music, and your experiences of Mentorology.

You’re welcome, we wish you lots of luck!

Sofia Antonia Milone (L) and Georgey Payne (R). Photography by Katie Lamb.

In this post Steve Cox, creator of Still Living, talks about the keys he sees to mentoring. Still Living is an inspirational portal where Steve shares valuable tool of empowerment and recommendations based on his own life experiences, studies and mentors who helped him get on the right path. In this post Steve discusses openness, listening, relationship development, self-discovery and relaxed confidence as the concepts relate to mentoring. Enjoy his wisdom.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

Mentors Share Information

Knowledge and information have for centuries been used to control and influence people yet when we think and act for others we naturally share information and knowledge so all can prosper.

So who is a mentor? A mentor is someone who is willing to help others by sharing information and experiences to guide others in their own development. So for me the majority of us are both a mentor and mentored. Taking myself as an example I am a Sales Director by profession, a writer of thoughts for the day and I am learning Tai Chi. In each case I work as a mentor to others helping them develop and I am also mentored especially in Tai Chi where my teacher also guides me towards books that will further develop my philosophy.

How can we develop ourselves to mentor?

When we start thinking and acting for others rather than for “me”, we naturally become open to building relationships where all will prosper. It is the quality of these relationships that allows for natural progression of people. As a mentor we guide people along a path where it is their choice to follow. It is in the openness of these relationships that the path forward becomes apparent.

When we first meet people we speak to the label society has given them. In most cases we wear many labels such as for me Sales Director, writer, Tai Chi player, brother and husband. When first met I am talked to based on the label I am wearing. We are however all like onions with many layers and it is only by asking questions that speak to the person and the willingness to listen that we can actually learn about others.

The first two elements of mentoring for me are openness and listening.

My starting point with people is to start to understand their values and goals in life. For many people they have never sat and thought about what they value, yet if you know your values they act as a compass to your thoughts and actions. Goals can help give us a purpose for life and create passion for it where we start to live life rather than to survive it. This works with my fundamental thought that everybody deserves to be happy.

Goals however do have to be based on the skills and abilities of the person otherwise they remain a dream. Example: I would have loved to have been a great Soccer player like David Beckham but I have not been born with those gifts. I am like everyone else born with my own unique gifts and qualities. So my personal aim and that of mentoring others is to develop unique skills and abilities to create the individual who through their life can help all to prosper.

This is not about how much money we can earn or how famous we can become but creating a life where we have a great sense of purpose, well-being and happiness, for what more could we want?

The sum of a man’s life is in the acts of kindness he has shown to others.

Development is a long term process and personally I look to learn every day as it keeps us inquisitive for life. A young child asks around 200 questions a day to learn yet how many do we ask in a day? It seems sad that the older we get the less we want to learn or believe we having nothing more to learn. Again this development is about our openness to life and wanting to fulfill our own potential.

The Still Living Way to Development and Mentoring.

When we discover relaxed confidence and allow life to flow we achieve our life goals without force and when we start thinking and acting for others we build relationships where all will prosper.

The starting point for building relaxed confidence is to discover our calm centre. This can be achieved in many ways but has the effect of stilling the mind and allowing the clutter of day to day thoughts to be replaced with clarity. Achieving this allows the mind to work on a level uncluttered by emotions resulting in thinking with greater clarity and calmness. In a short blog it is difficult to detail ways to find calmness but it can be through just sitting in a quiet room, or walking in the countryside and connecting with the world. There are also specific techniques such as meditation, Tai Chi or Yoga. Whichever route you choose to find your calm centre and allow for free thinking will have a great benefit to your life.

Combining Stillness, free thinking and openness to the world culminates in a greater awareness of our lives and surroundings.

So the first element to Still Living is Stillness and the second is flow

Water is a soft substance that moves from source to destination flowing around obstacles and filling up wells of opportunity with flexibility, yet it has the power to shape mountains.

This analogy we can apply to how we live. Many people get highly stressed by trying to control all elements of life even if they have no power over them. When we flow with life we do not try to control and only act when we can add benefit to a situation. Look at a great 100 metre athlete run and they do so relaxed, if their muscles were tight there would be no flexibility and spring to run. Likewise when we live life with flow we have the flexibility to flow around the obstacles, make the most of opportunities and adapt to change naturally.

By thinking from a calm centre we can look at the situation from all perspectives allowing for a clear picture. The actions we take are soft so not to force situations and people but allow for all prosper. When we praise and discipline it is with equal measure so the action is fair.

The final element is the power to shape mountains. When we flow and act with softness we can shape ours and others lives naturally being a mentor and mentored.

Get to Know Steve Cox, the Author of this Post

Steve Cox was born in London and his formal education at Nene University finished with his studies in business and finance.

His career in business has been as a sales and marketing professional working from a sales office through to Sales Director. Companies have included both start up and turn around companies that have developed skills in team development and mentoring. Having worked for UK, Swiss and Korean multinational companies, Steve has developed a desire to foster understanding of different cultures and how we need to embrace the basic human nature of all; whatever the race, creed or color.

Ten years ago Steve started writing thoughts for the day for Sales Teams and in recent years due to the rise of social media he has promoted these thoughts through Facebook and Twitter. In the last six years, Steve’s studies of Tai Chi and early Chinese philosophy have led him on a path of applying those ancient wisdoms to modern-day life. He focuses especially on finding the stillness and awareness in life that leads to natural thoughts and actions that flow. This approach is preferred to forced personal and community development.

Since 2011 Steve has started to work on programmes to help others develop a philosophy of Relaxed Confidence that creates results naturally. 2012 will see the release of the Still Living app workbook for personal development through core values and Still Selling e book for people who need to present ideas and solutions to others.

Philosophy: When we discover relaxed confidence and allow life to flow we achieve goals and well-being without force.

“Bully” is a documentary by Lee Hirsch, produced by Harvey Weinstein. On March 30 it will have a limited release. The movie was Rated R even after the heartfelt and widespread campaigning by middle schoolers and celebrities alike to rate the film PG-13 so it could be shown in schools. 13 million kids will be bullied every year in schools. This problem needs to stop. Please tell everyone you know about this film, and start mentoring our kids today, inspired by the thoughts and words of our Over My Shoulder intern Sarah Gross as she reflects on Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation (BTWF) and “Bully”.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

Lady Gaga, one of society’s strong female mentors, recently celebrated the launching of the Born This Way Foundation (BTWF) at Harvard University. This foundation aims to foster hope and inspiration by mentoring youths within a community that embraces individuality. Important goals of BTWF are to nurture individuality and educate about the problem of bullying.

People can confront bullies at any age, and at any stage in life, but the bullying epidemic is most prevalent in middle schools and high schools. Youths are most susceptible to threats, putdowns, and other forms of mistreatment during these school years. Students judge one another in an environment that fosters competitive behavior, particularly in the social construction of popular versus unpopular kids. Once a student starts behaving like a bully (a popular kid talking to an unpopular kid, for example), the mean streak can spread through the school like wildfire.

Many students are victims of bullying behavior, which can range from being ignored by the popular group, to being gossiped about and threatened, to being subjected to physical violence. The degree of bullying that a student may face is irrelevant; bullying in any form damages a student’s self-esteem and can lead to severe depression.

Lady Gaga hopes to bring attention to bullying with her anti-bullying campaign as part of BTWF. At the same time, The Weinstein Company is bringing middle school/high school bullying to the forefront in Lee Hirsch’s new documentary titled, “Bully.” Coupled with BTWF, “Bully” is an astute way of educating society at large about the bullying problem and encouraging people to take action against it.

Here’s the trailer for “Bully”.

“Bully” tells the remarkable stories of five brave families that will challenge viewers to move from shock to resignation about bullying to action, transforming schools and communities into places where empathy and respect are valued and bullying is unacceptable…

Media is a valuable tool for distributing information and campaigning for good causes across a broad audience. “Bully,” as a film that will be shown in theaters nationwide starting March 30, 2012, is expected to use its power as a form of media to reach as wide an audience as possible. It is part of what is called “The Bully Project”:

The Bully Project is a collaborative effect that brings together partner organizations that share a commitment to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society.

This anti-bullying campaign promises to foster greater awareness in society—to even “transform” society by “transforming” the way schools address mean-spirited behavior among students. The Bully Project may reach these goals, provided that schools (including faculty and students) view and learn from the film. The problem in all of this is the film’s initial “R” rating, which precluded individuals under the age of 17 from viewing the film. This rating meant that the film could not be shown in schools, where it is most needed and could make the greatest impact.

The website for The Bully Project currently states that the film is not yet rated, and the production notes for the film indicate that the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) rates the film PG-13. These changes are due in part to an effort to change the rating. Katy Butler, a Michigan high school student, started a petition to change the rating to PG-13 to allow the film to be shown in schools. The petition now has over 200,000 signatures, so the film may well be on its way to transforming schools and instigating a solution to the bullying problem. Ellen DeGeneres (one of the star female mentors highlighted in my previous post) has taken part in the anti-bully campaign by promoting the film as an important social movement that can “change lives”.

As a result, the film has garnered a great deal of media attention. This is wonderful for the campaign, as it continues to reach wide audiences and encourage people like Lady Gaga and Ellen to become mentors for a loving, tolerant society.

The anti-bullying campaign is one branch of mentorology, where people who are passionate about a good cause can educate one another to create a solution to a problem and thus encourage a safer, more tolerant society. Many individuals have experienced bullying firsthand, and know how harmful it can be.

Be a mentor and take part in the campaign to stop bullying once and for all.

In the early 80′s if you dreamed of being a female “ROCKER” you were watching and studying Robin Lane. Robin and her band, The Chartbusters, were one of the very first videos EVER on MTV! Robin had all the essential ingredients: strong songs, infectious attitude, interesting lyrics, rock star looks.

A few months ago Robin and I met to talk about how Over My Shoulder Foundation and her foundation, Songbird Sings, might collaborate. It was all very formal and professional so I tried to repress the “star-struck-fan” in me. We became fast friends eager to partner with our songwriting and foundations. Over My Shoulder Student Liaison and Singer Ms. Santana Roberts is the writer of today’s mentoring interview with our new dynamic friend Robin Lane.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

I had the amazing opportunity to interview singer/ songwriter Robin Lane at the Over My Shoulder Foundation “Thank Your Mentor Day” event on January 25, 2012. In my excitement to learn about her life and her contributions to the music world, we sat down on a modern couch tucked in the corner of Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams. I didn’t know what to expect; it was the first time I ever interviewed someone but I had prepared to ask her a few questions. I imagined what I might tell someone years down the road when I have accomplished all that I dream about as a singer. Here’s some of what I discovered about Robin Lane.

Robin Lane as a Young Music Lover

I discovered that growing up Robin did not have a mentor, but that her childhood was filled with music. She loved listening to groups like the Beatles and The Rolling Stones. She never thought of music as a career, it was simply something she loved to do. Robin did not view music as anything she wanted to pursue for her future, but as she aged, she realized that singing was her calling. Easily connecting to the passion in music, she loved all genres from rap to classical to country. “I love everything that I think is good” she says.

Robin as a Singer/Songwriter

Since the revelation that singing was her calling, Robin has been writing songs for over 40 years. Robin spit out 10 songs a day when she first started, often on napkins in restaurants or a handy piece of cardboard. Blessed with a very successful career, Lane can proudly say that she has the 11th video ever played on MTV. Since then, Lane mentors teenage girls from Roxbury Youth Works and youth from Home For Little Wanderers, through her ”Giving Youth A Voice” workshop.  She believes that change is possible and that the past, no matter how painful it is, should never define you.

Mentorology in the Life of Robin Lane

Robin told me she did not have a physical person to guide her in her childhood days but she looked to the moon, which she named John, for comfort. Despite not having someone to watch over her, she has dedicated her life to speaking out against all forms of violence. Lane is the founder of a non-profit organization called Songbird Sings. Songbird Sings provides healing through songwriting for women and youth suffering from domestic violence. Robin is passionate about giving a voice to those silenced by trauma. Participants in her programs learn how to use music, specifically songwriting, as an outlet to express emotion. Music has the power to illuminate the horrific memories of someone’s life, thus healing from the inside out. Freeing spirits by cleansing the mind and soul through music, Robin hopes that she can make a difference in the world, one song at a time.

From L to R: Santana Roberts, Patti Austin, Robin Lane at the Over My Shoulder Foundation "Thank Your Mentor Day" Celebration Event

Over My Shoulder Foundation intern Sarah Gross writes to you again this National Women’s History Month. She dissects the essence of Ellen and Lady Gaga, two strong female mentors who are transforming the world of female mentoring. As such successful figures emphasize the importance of genuine expression, they inspire girls and women all over the world to express themselves also. Now THAT is a mentoring message I will celebrate!

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

Strong female mentors and social figures of empowerment are helping women embrace their potential. Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres and pop music phenomenon Lady Gaga are two of among many female mentors who inspired me through outreach and activism.

Ellen DeGeneres – Encouraging Entertainer, Altruistic Optimist

Ellen DeGeneres, a long-standing celebrity, uses her public persona to bring light to her struggles as a homosexual woman while simultaneously helping and caring for others. Her daytime talk show recognizes individuals who have made a difference in the world, be it through artistic talent, philanthropy, or charity work. Ellen brings awareness to positive actions, applauding those who do good work and encouraging her audiences to carry on the trend of good karma.

Her public image of positive energy is enhanced through her comedy: each show begins with dance and comedic interaction with the audience, and this cheerful mood lasts throughout the show. Her role as comedian factors into her role as caretaker, as mentor. She mentors people every day and demonstrates altruism when she supports those who need encouragement. Her selflessness is apparent as she gives back to the community and supports charities, helping people and animals who require love and attention.

Ellen’s eagerness to be a mentor, and subsequent success as a mentor, helps others immensely but is also a form of self-help. She embraces the mentoring philosophy in her life even as she strives against discrimination by those who disapprove of her personal choices. Her sexual orientation, a most personal part of who she is, has led her to confront discrimination. Her talk show and other forms of outreach (website and books, for example) use love, comedy, and charity to combat discrimination and negative energy in the world.

Lady Gaga – Fearless Achiever, Empowering Trend-Setter

Lady Gaga has similarly faced negativity in the form of bullying. Struggling to gain acceptance in a society that did not understand and belittled her, she turned to music to complete her cycle of self-development while her status as a mentor burgeoned. Perceived by some as outlandish, Lady Gaga has established a unique public image. Her music is mainstream and immediately recognizable, as is her appearance. She dons bizarre outfits and her stage performances are nothing short of spectacles. This image projects a personality onto her, of someone who is wild and fearless, and thus succeeds in making her a marketable celebrity. This image, however, disguises the difficulties she has had to overcome in rising to fame.

Lady Gaga’s recent album, Born This Way, remedies the conflict of female caring as she fosters a stronger relationship with her fans while addressing problems she sees in society relating to identity and individuality. Tracks like “Born This Way” and “Marry the Night” convey a tumultuous relationship with society but ultimately promote self-empowerment by confronting fears and accepting oneself. Using music as a source of strength—as artistic expression without personal and/or social criticism—Lady Gaga cares for her own needs and inspires others to find their source of strength in overcoming personal battles. She has expanded the empowerment effort, and truly shows herself to live as a mentor through her foundation which launches in February 2012. The foundation is named after her successful album, and the mission statement explains its goals in this way:

Lady Gaga proudly announces the launch of the Born This Way Foundation (BTWF), which will support programs and initiatives that deal with all aspects of empowering youth. The non-profit charitable organization will lead youth into a braver new society where each individual is accepted and loved as the person they were born to be. BTWF will focus on youth empowerment and equality by addressing issues like self-confidence, well-being, anti-bullying, mentoring and career development and will utilize digital mobilization as one of the means to create positive change.

Strong mentoring organizations like BTWF and OMSF can bring about the positive change that Ellen DeGeneres and Lady Gaga advocate. Ellen and Lady Gaga use comedy and celebrity, respectively, as a way to deal with negativity and to nurture mentoring. Ellen and Lady Gaga make their voices resonate as they become beacons of female empowerment and renews the strength of female mentorology.

Today’s post is brought to you by freelance writer Catherine Apitz. After a career in the office, Catherine is going public with her writing talents as a freelancer.  She currently works as a staff writer for “Circles of Seven“, an intercultural online magazine. She holds a BA in English. Catherine counts Robert Hoffman, her 8th grade English teacher, as the mentor who recognized and inspired her writing creativity. She writes here about mentoring, and 8 steps to finding a career mentor. Enjoy!

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

In any culture anywhere in the world, mentors are special people playing important and influential roles that inspire and improve the careers of other people.  An excellent mentor frequently makes a lasting impression that is treasured and remembered for a life time.  Famous TV talk show facilitator, Oprah Winfrey remembers her third and fifth grade teachers for their influence on her education. Decades later, she has opened her own leadership academy for girls in a disadvantaged area of South Africa.

Anyone qualified can serve as mentor such as a parent, relative or neighbor. He or she can be a friend, a co-worker or a stranger interested in mentoring. One can have an older, experienced mentor or a peer, newly experienced in a career such as a college graduate mentoring an undergraduate student. People can recruit mentors from a qualified mentorship program in one’s local high school, college or work place.  Students, interns, and first time employees can select a long term mentor or a series of short term people that mentor one after the other. In sum, mentors come in a wide variety of choices, each with the ability to meet a majority of people’s needs.

People most in need of mentors are generally college students who lack career direction following enrollment or graduation.  Others in need of mentorship can be struggling high school students who need motivation and encouragement to stay in school instead of dropping out when they turn 16.  Elementary students who struggle from severe distractions in their home life may benefit from a mentor to help them stay on track with their studies.  An inexperienced intern may also be spared his or her job by benefiting from a skilled, experienced mentor qualified to help in the work place.

Mentors volunteer their time for free, but those who specifically tutor or teach subject matter will be paid for their services. Suppose one is a struggling, inexperienced employee, an intern or an unfocused college student who lack the benefit of a mentorship program in their local college or work place. Below is a list of guidelines for finding a mentor to launch one’s career and help a worthy person build today for a better future:

1. Find a mentor who will exercise good judgement, is easy to communicate with, one whom confidences are kept and who is a good listener.  People seeking a mentor ought to feel free to discuss concerns and issues that turn up in a career or work place.
2. Select a mentor who is upbeat and positive in his or her attitude, who will be encouraging with a good sense of humor and has the ability to discuss a wide variety of issues.
3. An excellent mentor is a person, intern or employee who admires and respects the seeker and whom the seeker can provide respect for in return, someone who can provide a long term commitment and deep investment in an employee, intern or student’s future.  (Note: The only exception would be a short term series of mentors who can remain committed and deeply invested in the seeker’s future for the duration of their short terms.)
4. Find a mentor who can fairly access an employee’s, intern’s or student’s skills for success and help them develop a long range career plan.
5. Select a mentor who will help establish goals and who can provide the seeker with constructive criticism and honest feedback.  This mentor will encourage one’s goals with a desire to bring about change.
6. Find a mentor who helps the student, employee or intern develop self-awareness, grow beyond perceived limitations and introduce the student, employee or intern to people of leadership and management qualities who will make a difference in one’s career.
7. Select a mentor who will motivate the student, intern or employee to join organizations to assist in one’s advancement.
8. Above all, find a mentor who will fully invest in and celebrate a student’s, intern’s or employee’s success.

Copyright (C) Catherine Apitz, all rights reserved.

We’ve all had a woman as a mentor at some point in our lives, yet maybe we didn’t recognize her for her influential caring and compassionate guidance. This March is recognized as National Women’s History Month. It is an opportunity to honor the value of our female mentors. In today’s post Over My Shoulder Foundation Intern, Sarah Gross, explores the unique capacity women have to foster love and compassion. Let’s look this month to the strong female mentors who help us all to blossom. Let’s remember enormous contributions women have made to our lives and our history. In their spirit of caring, let’s all become mentors.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

A mentor is someone who embodies the virtues of caring, compassion, and selflessness to guide and give hope to others. Carol Gilligan, scholar of feminist studies and ethics, explains the mentoring philosophy in terms of the “ethic of care.” The unique ability of women to be mentors, to live by the mentoring philosophy, is the result of feminine psychology:

Care as a feminine ethic is an ethic of special obligations and interpersonal relationships. Selflessness or self-sacrifice is built into the very definition of care when caring is premised on an opposition between relationships and self-development.

The feminine ethic of caring that Gilligan describes here includes a tendency towards self-sacrifice. Women, in building and maintaining relationships, place the needs of others before their own. This “selflessness” contributes to women excelling in caring roles, such as mentoring, but it may also hamper their ability to find their place in the world as individuals. Female mentors—including mothers, nurses, and teachers—often embrace their role as caretakers without first taking care of their own needs. The double-edged quality of caring can have consequences for women who want to be mentors while still struggling to self-develop.

Carol Gilligan notes that caring and becoming “selfless means to lose relationship or to lose one’s voice in relationships.” Rather than losing their voice, female mentors in my life have become spokespersons for female empowerment. Though the female ethic of care exposes conflicts between self and society, it does not dispirit women. Rather, it renews the strength of female mentorship. Women are outstanding mentors because they can live by the caring ethic, empowering themselves and empowering others.

This March, I’ll be thinking of National Women’s History Month in terms of how I can care for myself and others while appreciating other women who do the same. I’ll also be writing about strong female mentors like Ellen DeGeneres and Lady Gaga later this month so don’t forget to come back and see what mentoring stories we’ve got for you next!

Sarah Gross, Over My Shoulder Intern

 

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Carol Gilligan, “Hearing the Difference: Theorizing Connection.” Hypatia, Vol. 10. No. 2, Spring 1995. pp. 120-27

A leap year is special because it doesn’t happen all the time. Today let’s celebrate the idea of “let’s get together and feel alright.” In our world, I’ve seen this happens as rarely as a leap year. Today, let’s do it. Let’s get together and feel alright. Let’s get together with our mentors, and find someone to mentor so that we can achieve “One Love, One Heart.” These Bob Marley song lyrics exemplify part of what we at Over My Shoulder Foundation strive for by spreading the mentoring message. Read on to discover another great Sarah Gross Story about Cedella Marley, the daughter of Bob Marley.

-Dawn Carroll, Over My Shoulder Foundation Co-Founder

In my last post, I spoke about musician Lenny Kravitz and the social/cultural effect of his music in spreading inspirational messages to a broad audience. Musicians possess a unique mode of communication where the song is a common ground that unifies otherwise disparate individuals. Musicians, however, are not the sole individuals who can speak effectively through song.

Persons who may not be musicians themselves can revive the spirit of a song in order to spread their own inspirational message to the world. Cedella Marley, daughter of English/Afro-Jamaican artist Bob Marley, is one such person. Through her artistic endeavors, she keeps the spirit of her father alive, and therein, she keeps the spirit of his music eternal.

Cedella has worked to protect her father’s legacy for many years. As C.E.O. of Tuff Gong International (Bob Marley’s audio production studio), she memorializes her father’s passion for inspiring unity and peace through music. Cedella also carries the power of Bob Marley through her design company, One Love, and her own brand, Catch a Fire, both named after music that encourages the world to embrace peace, love, and to “feel all right.”

The songs “One Love” and “Three Little Birds” inspired Cedella to pursue another avenue of creative expression in keeping her father’s message alive: writing. Cedella has written several children’s books, two of which are titled One Love (released in 2011) and Three Little Birds. The books are an adaption of Marley’s cherished songs. The wholesome stories complemented with beautiful artwork and vivid colors capture Cedella’s passion for “brightness” in the world, and also renew the feel-good aura of Bob Marley’s songs. The repetition of “One Love, One Heart” encourages feelings of peace, love, and wellbeing that cancel out the cause of our worry as we begin to realize that “every little thing gonna be all right.”

The calming effect of these songs, enhanced and perpetuated through Cedella’s books and designs, sends out a message of hope to the many people who value the promise of something good in a world that is often filled with strife. In a time of racism and cultural tension, Bob Marley produced songs of peace and power to hearten the disheartened, to motivate the unmotivated. The essence of his work, and subsequently the work of Cedella, is to transform negatives to positives.

Fighting fire with water, Bob Marley strived against injustice with the peace tactics of his music. As social tensions arise today, Cedella reminds us of the effectiveness of positive energy to counteract negativity. Channeling vibrant, creative expression into works that have a broad effect on society, Cedella shows us how art can serve as a vehicle for communication and change.

Through her many accomplishments, both in preserving her father’s legacy and in making her own mark, Cedella establishes herself as a mentor for inspiring positive change. If we change the way we think about the world and express our thoughts in positive terms, we come to live the philosophy that “One Love” and “Three Little Birds” advocate. We place faith in love and the strength of relationships in creating a better world.

The Marleys, through the spirit of music and creativity, encourage us to pursue the best by letting go of the negative and embracing the positive. We can look to mentors for hope, but ultimately we ourselves have the ability to become mentors for a new generation of those who need a little more peace and love in their lives.